Finding out your child is pregnant

Finding out your child is pregnant and planning to have the baby means that a lot of things are going to change in your family. And though it's certainly not what most parents expect, it happens every day.

If your teen is about to become a parent, it can be overwhelming for both of you. How can you support her through the changes and challenges that are ahead?

What You May Be Feeling

If you have just learned that your teen is having a baby, you are probably experiencing a wide range of emotions, from shock and disappointment to grief and worry about the future.
Some parents feel a sense of guilt, thinking that if only they'd done more to protect their child this wouldn't have happened. And although some parents are embarrassed by their teen's pregnancy and worried about how family, friends, and neighbors will react, others are happy over the news of a soon-to-be grandchild - especially if the teen is older and in a mature relationship.

Whatever feelings you're experiencing, this is likely to be a difficult time for your family. The important thing to realize is that your teen needs you now more than ever. Being able to communicate with each other - especially when emotions are running high - is essential. Teens who are carrying a baby to term have special health concerns, and your child will have a healthier pregnancy - emotionally and physically - if she knows she doesn't have to go it alone.
So what can you do as the parent of a teen having a baby? Recognize your feelings and work through them so that you can accept and support her. Does that mean you don't have the right to feel disappointed and even angry? No. Such reactions are common. You might have a strong flood of emotions to deal with, especially at first. But the reality of the upcoming baby means that you'll have to get beyond your initial feelings for the sake of your teen and her child.
If you need help coping with your feelings about the situation, talk to someone you trust or seek professional counseling. A neutral third party can be a great resource at a time like this.

What Your Teen May Be Feeling

Just a short time ago your teen's biggest concerns might have been hanging out with her friends and wondering what clothes to wear. Now she's dealing with morning sickness and scheduling prenatal visits. Her world has been turned upside down.
Most unmarried teens don't plan on becoming pregnant, and they're often terrified when it happens. Many, particularly younger teens, keep the news of their pregnancies secret because they fear the anger and disappointment of their parents. Some might even deny to themselves that they are pregnant - which makes it even more important for parents to step in and find medical care for their teen as early in the pregnancy as possible. Younger teens' pregnancies, in particular, are considered high risk because their bodies haven't finished growing and are not yet fully mature.

Teen boys who are going to become fathers also need the involvement of their parents. Although some boys may welcome the chance to be involved with their children, others feel frightened and guilty and may need to be encouraged to face their responsibilities (the father is legally responsible for child support in every state). That doesn't mean, however, that you should pressure your teen son or daughter into an unwanted marriage. Offer advice, but remember that forcing your opinions on your teen or using threats is likely to backfire in the long run. There's no "one size fits all" solution here. Open communication between you and your teen will help as you consider the future.

Special Concerns of Pregnant Teens
Even though most teen girls are biologically able to produce healthy babies, whether they do often depends on whether they receive adequate medical care - especially in those critical early months of pregnancy. Teens who receive proper medical care and take care of themselves are more likely to have healthy babies. Those who don't receive medical care are at greater risk for:

• fetal death
• high blood pressure
• anemia
• labor and delivery complications (such as premature labor and stillbirth)
• low birth-weight infant

The earlier your teen gets prenatal care, the better her chances for a healthy pregnancy, so bring her to the doctor as soon as possible after finding out she's pregnant. If you need help finding medical care, check with social service groups in the community or in your child's school.

Your teen's health care provider can tell her what to expect during her pregnancy, how to take care of herself and her growing baby, and how to prepare for life as a parent.

Some topics that will be addressed include:

Medical Care
At her first prenatal visit, your teen will probably be given a full physical exam, including blood and urine tests. She'll be screened for sexually transmitted diseases and for exposure to certain diseases, such as measles, mumps, and rubella. Her health care provider also will discuss:

• how often prenatal visits should be scheduled
• what she may be feeling physically and emotionally
• what changes she can expect in her body how to deal with some of the uncomfortable side effects of pregnancy, like nausea and vomiting
  

Knowing what to expect can help alleviate some of the fears your teen may have about being pregnant. Her health care provider will probably prescribe a daily prenatal vitamin to make sure she gets enough folic acid, iron, and calcium. Folic acid is especially important during the early weeks of pregnancy, when it plays a role in the healthy development of the neural tube (the structure that develops into the brain and spinal cord).

Lifestyle Changes
Your teen's health care provider will talk about the lifestyle changes she will have to make for the health of her baby, including:

• not smoking (smoking while pregnant increases the risk of miscarriage, stillbirth, low birth weight, and sudden infant death syndrome)
• not drinking (alcohol causes mental and physical birth defects)
• not using drugs (drugs are associated with pregnancy complications and fetal death)
  avoiding excess caffeine (too much caffeine has been linked to an increased risk of miscarriage)
  eating right
• getting enough rest
• avoiding risky sexual behaviors (such as having unsafe sex)
• If your teen smokes or uses alcohol or other drugs, her health care provider can offer ways to help her quit.

Nutrition
Fast food, soft drinks, sweets - teen diets are notoriously unbalanced. Eating well greatly increases your teen's chances of having a healthy baby, so encourage her to maintain a well-balanced diet that includes plenty of fruits, vegetables, and whole-grain breads (use the revised Food Guide Pyramid as a basic guide). Some important nutrients include:

• proteins (lean meat, fish, poultry, egg whites, beans, peanut butter, tofu)
• calcium (milk and other dairy products)
• iron (lean red meats, spinach, iron-fortified cereals)
• folic acid (green leafy vegetables, beans, peas, fortified cereals)
• Drinking plenty of water is essential, too.

Pregnancy is not the time for your teen to go on a diet. When pregnant, some teens might be tempted to counter normal pregnancy weight gain by cutting calories or exercising excessively - both of which can seriously harm their babies. If you suspect that your teen has an unhealthy preoccupation with her weight, talk to her health care provider.

Exercise

If your teen was physically fit before getting pregnant and is not experiencing any pregnancy complications, her health care provider will probably encourage her to continue exercising. Most women benefit from getting some exercise during pregnancy, although they might have to modify their activity. Low-impact exercises, such as walking and swimming, are best. Have your teen discuss her exercise plans with her health care provider early on.

Stress

Most teens enter parenthood unprepared for the stress a new baby brings, and many experience frustration, resentment, and even anger toward their newborns - which may explain why teen parents are at higher risk for abusing and neglecting their babies. You may want to talk with your teen's doctor to discuss ways you can help her manage her stress levels so that she can better cope with changes in her life. She also may want to spend some time with other people who have babies to get a better sense of what caring for a newborn involves.

Prenatal Classes

Your teen's health care provider will probably recommend that she take classes on pregnancy, giving birth, and parenting. These classes (some of which are held just for teens) can help prepare her for the practical side of parenthood by teaching skills such as feeding, diapering, child safety, and other basic baby care techniques.

Preparing for New Responsibilities

Many practical issues must be considered. Will your teen keep the baby or consider adoption? If she keeps it, will she raise the baby herself? Will she continue to go to school? Will the father be involved in the baby's life? Who will be financially responsible for the baby?

The answers to these questions often depend on the support your teen receives. Some teens raise their child alone, some have the involvement of the baby's father, and some rely on their families for support. As a parent, you need to think about your own level of involvement and commitment and discuss it with your teen. How much support - financial and otherwise - are you willing and able to offer? Will your teen and her child live with you? Will you help pay for food, clothing, doctor visits, and necessary items like a car seat and stroller? Can you assist with child care while your teen is at school and/or work? A social worker or counselor can help you and your teen sort through some of these issues.

If at all possible, it's best for teens who are pregnant to finish school so they can get better jobs and create a better life for themselves and their babies. This is no easy task - 60% to 70% of all pregnant teens drop out of school. And going back after quitting is especially hard, so try to offer your teen the support she needs to stay in school - both she and the baby will benefit. Check for school and community programs that offer special services for teen mothers, such as child care, rides, or tutoring.

Help your teen understand that as rewarding as having a child is, it isn't always fun - caring for a baby is a huge responsibility and a lifelong commitment. Prepare your teen for the reality that she won't have as much time for the things she used to do - that her life is about change and the baby will take priority.

As a parent, you can have a great impact on your teen's life and on her baby's. You may still wish that she had made different choices. But by supporting your teen, making sure she gets good prenatal care, and listening as she shares her fears and anxieties, both of you may find that you're better parents in the long run.

Reviewed by: Barbara P. Homeier, MDDate reviewed: August 2005Originally reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD, and George Macones, MD

Teenage pregnancy rates among five developed countries

Despite recent declines, the current level of births to adolescents continues to be much higher in the United States than in most other developed countries.1 Continued decreases in U.S. rates have only succeeded in moving the country's levels slightly closer to where those of most other developed countries were during the late 1990s.2 (By 2000, the teenage birthrate in the United States had declined to 49 per 1,000, as compared with late-1990s rates of 7-9 in Sweden and France, and 20-31 in Canada and Great Britain.)

Large differences in adolescent pregnancy rates were also identified in the early 1980s in a comparative study of developed countries. At that time, differences in sexual activity were not found to account for the variation in pregnancy rates; instead, the limited available information suggested that use of contraceptives, particularly the pill, by teenage women was lower in the United States than in other developed countries. Building on this body of information and using the most recent data available, we address the following questions: How large are cross-country differences in pregnancy, birth and abortion rates, and to what extent are current differences associated with variation across countries in sexual behavior and contraceptive use?

These results are part of a large-scale investigation that examined reasons for the wide variation in teenage pregnancy and birth rates among five developed countries: Canada, France, Great Britain, Sweden and the United States. Although all five focus countries have a high per capita income and are highly developed and industrialized, they differ in their extent of social and economic inequality, in their government policies and programs that address inequality, in their health care systems and their provision of services to teenagers, and in their societal attitudes concerning sexuality and adolescents. All of these factors are likely to affect adolescent reproductive behavior.

In addition to having a higher adolescent pregnancy rate, the United States has higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) among adolescents than most other developed countries.5 The incidence of chlamydia among adolescents in the United States (1,132 cases per 100,000) is nearly twice that in Canada and Sweden (where reporting is relatively complete), five times that in England, and 20 times that in France (two countries where reporting is considered to be less complete, as it is in the United States). The annual incidence of gonorrhea among all U.S. adolescents (572 cases per 100,000) is 10 or more times the level in the other four countries.
Large differences in pregnancy and STD rates may be due to differences in the proportion of adolescent women who are sexually active and, therefore, are at risk of pregnancy and infection. Alternatively, they may be related to variation among sexually active adolescent women in the steps that they take to prevent pregnancy and STD infection, including their use of contraceptives, their choice of method and the effectiveness of their method use. While we do not have information on all of these measures, some information is available to help us assess variation in the two key factors of sexual activity and method use across countries.

Orginal Article:http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/3324401.html

By Jacqueline E. Darroch, Susheela Singh, Jennifer J. Frost and the Study Team

Relax -- Single Parent

Life as a single parent can be emotionally, mentally and physically draining. They have to handle work, household chores and children all the same time. They have to play the roles of both ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ single-handedly. Here are some tips to plan your schedule, take out some time to relax, manage everything and remain sane for single parents:

• Stop being bogged down with guilt and regret for things you are not able to do.
• Before going to bed at night, plan the next day.
• In the morning, first review your priorities and do things likewise.
• You may have to compromise with some things and learn to prioritize. Perhaps, doing laundry is more important than mopping and sweeping one day or visiting the school of children may override your visit to the bank on another day.
• Paperless desk fills you with positive thoughts, so avoid clutter and throw anything you can. Try to see a paper, work on it immediately and get it out of your way or just file it away, if it’s for future.
• Skills used for office management prove handy at home too. Clean workplace and three folders labeled ‘Urgent’, ‘ASAP’ and ‘To be Filed’ will make your life much more easier.
• Good filing system will ensure that you don’t have to spend hours looking for some paper later on in the long run. Labeled manila file folders should be kept in a file cabinet with drawers.
• A small tape recorder with headphones can allow you to schedule anything that comes to your mind while driving or cooking. You can do planning, make appointments and listen to songs and even novels too.
• Ask for help from other family members, neighbors and friends or whoever is willing to help and let the kids help too.
• Set alarms for everything and concentrate on only one thing for a set period of time. When the alarm rings, move on to another task and leave the task at hand for another day.
• Set about half an hour in the evening just for your child and let him or her know that at this time he or she can get your undivided attention. If necessary, turn off the mobile and keep the phone off the hook, so there are no distractions.
• Set about 20 minutes for just yourself too and do whatever makes you feel better such as relax, scream, exercise, cry or laugh. Teach the child not to interrupt you at that time and you may make somebody see young children for just that time. The timer may tell the child, when he can speak to you again.
• Things or fulfilling child’s every wish and whim cannot replace the missing parent ever. Over-compensation the children may just spoil them and they may turn selfish and may try to control you.
• Once a month, ask someone to baby-sit your child while you can try and do all the short errands and odd jobs on the appointed day.
• Things do get out of control sometimes and you can take time to just relax or think over things while you are waiting in traffic or queues.
• If you are too tired or stressed, do not feel ashamed of putting off things or procrastinating.
  Writing up notes, addresses and phone numbers on a small diary or small cards that can be put in file will keep you from losing them.
  On weekends, just relax and enjoy time with your child. Get all work done on weekdays itself.
  Share work and time with your kids and try to do it now such as cleaning kid’s room and get older kids help to cook and then go on a fun trip together.

Getting Married at 13

Teen marriage was not a big issue in the old times. Life expectancy was shorter then and most of our economy was depended on agriculture and farming. People were less educated and large number of children was considered a boon as it meant more hands to work and greater prosperity. But times have changed now. Boys and girls both are opting for higher education and a good financial position before they marry. They have become more conscious about their health, birth control and know more about sex and how to avoid unplanned pregnancy. Trying to achieve ambitions before taking on the responsibility of marriage results in delay of marriage and child bearing.

Thus, support systems for these very young couples have diminished and even become non-existent and they have become an exception in the society. Teenage marriage has become a challenge in the modern age. The first reason that comes to our minds about a teenage marriage is an unplanned pregnancy, and rightly so. Most of the adolescents who decide to have an early marriage do so because they are faced with an unplanned pregnancy and they feel that they need to bear the responsibility of the child, even though they are not settled in their own lives. While abortions and adoptions are an option, they think that they have done something wrong and it is their duty to bear the consequences too. It is a very wrong approach to marriage, to start with.

Most teens are still not educated or mature enough or have enough financial responsibilities to shoulder a family or parenthood. In such cases, adoption is an opportunity where the teens may place their child in loving hands and give them a secure life while they can work to become more stable themselves. They may also consider open adoption, so that they can meet their child when they are ready and see how the child is doing in his or her life. Some of the challenges that teenage couples may have to face include not having the privilege to sign for even the most basic of services such as renting or car purchasing.

Though, in some countries they may attain the ‘adult’ status by marriage if not by age, in most places it is not so. The other challenges may include that married teenagers may not get admissions to some public school systems easily and they can miss the educational opportunities. They may not be able to buy insurance for themselves, especially if they do not have parent’s financial support. Many insurance policies do not allow married teens with separate households to be covered by their parents’ insurance, regardless of their ages.

There may be financial aid programs available for married teens at some places where they do not have to reveal parental sources of income and can attain educational assistance. Then, there are normal problems associated with ‘growing up’ that can get much more complicated and difficult with family responsibilities to bear and the couple may miss the critical time for learning and development. Thus, it is better to avoid teenage marriages and wait until the couple attains the status of ‘adult’ before starting a family life.

Mom I'm Pregnant

Rising numbers of teenage pregnancy are often quoted to prove that our society is going downhill. Young pregnant teens can be seen casual about their unplanned pregnancy, perhaps unaware of the huge responsibility that is on their way to get to them where they will have to care for a child on their own. The world seems to go topsy-turvy as mothers are yet kids and kids have become mothers.

The irony of the situation is that while people blame younger generation for being so irresponsible, little attention is paid to the generation who is parenting these teenagers and what they are doing to ensure their child’s safety and a secure future for her. Today, both the parents are working hard to ear more bucks and buy everything precious to fill their house with.

In the process, they forget that where the most precious thing in their life has got lost and what has become of their children. While they are trying to fulfill their dreams and afford their children’s dreams too, they forget to ask their children what they really need. They lose interest in parenting their children and the child misses out on love and affection, the two most needed things in a child’s life.

It is then that child try to find them with someone their own age and try to start out their own families. However, they are still not mature nor they have ever learnt to sustain relationships by example of their parents and family members and they break up. Teen pregnancies do not only mean that birth control had not been used properly but also that they are probably the results of promiscuous behavior in the face of seeming parental indifference.

Child into an Adult

Adolescence is the phase of transition of a child into an adult. Just before adulthood, adolescents or teenagers become perplexing creatures for their parents. It seems that there is no right way to understand them, respond to them and approach them and everything we do seems to go wrong. Here we will discuss stages of development in adolescence broadly that may help us to understand the complex nature of teens. However, there are teenagers who like to act older than their age but that depends on the individual with his or her unique personality, interests, likes and dislikes.

Teenage or adolescence generally extends from 12 to 19 years of age and can be broadly categorized into three stages:

Early Adolescence (12 to 14 years),
Middle Adolescence (14 to 17 years),
Late Adolescence (17 to 19 years).