Finding out your child is pregnant

Finding out your child is pregnant and planning to have the baby means that a lot of things are going to change in your family. And though it's certainly not what most parents expect, it happens every day.

If your teen is about to become a parent, it can be overwhelming for both of you. How can you support her through the changes and challenges that are ahead?

What You May Be Feeling

If you have just learned that your teen is having a baby, you are probably experiencing a wide range of emotions, from shock and disappointment to grief and worry about the future.
Some parents feel a sense of guilt, thinking that if only they'd done more to protect their child this wouldn't have happened. And although some parents are embarrassed by their teen's pregnancy and worried about how family, friends, and neighbors will react, others are happy over the news of a soon-to-be grandchild - especially if the teen is older and in a mature relationship.

Whatever feelings you're experiencing, this is likely to be a difficult time for your family. The important thing to realize is that your teen needs you now more than ever. Being able to communicate with each other - especially when emotions are running high - is essential. Teens who are carrying a baby to term have special health concerns, and your child will have a healthier pregnancy - emotionally and physically - if she knows she doesn't have to go it alone.
So what can you do as the parent of a teen having a baby? Recognize your feelings and work through them so that you can accept and support her. Does that mean you don't have the right to feel disappointed and even angry? No. Such reactions are common. You might have a strong flood of emotions to deal with, especially at first. But the reality of the upcoming baby means that you'll have to get beyond your initial feelings for the sake of your teen and her child.
If you need help coping with your feelings about the situation, talk to someone you trust or seek professional counseling. A neutral third party can be a great resource at a time like this.

What Your Teen May Be Feeling

Just a short time ago your teen's biggest concerns might have been hanging out with her friends and wondering what clothes to wear. Now she's dealing with morning sickness and scheduling prenatal visits. Her world has been turned upside down.
Most unmarried teens don't plan on becoming pregnant, and they're often terrified when it happens. Many, particularly younger teens, keep the news of their pregnancies secret because they fear the anger and disappointment of their parents. Some might even deny to themselves that they are pregnant - which makes it even more important for parents to step in and find medical care for their teen as early in the pregnancy as possible. Younger teens' pregnancies, in particular, are considered high risk because their bodies haven't finished growing and are not yet fully mature.

Teen boys who are going to become fathers also need the involvement of their parents. Although some boys may welcome the chance to be involved with their children, others feel frightened and guilty and may need to be encouraged to face their responsibilities (the father is legally responsible for child support in every state). That doesn't mean, however, that you should pressure your teen son or daughter into an unwanted marriage. Offer advice, but remember that forcing your opinions on your teen or using threats is likely to backfire in the long run. There's no "one size fits all" solution here. Open communication between you and your teen will help as you consider the future.

Special Concerns of Pregnant Teens
Even though most teen girls are biologically able to produce healthy babies, whether they do often depends on whether they receive adequate medical care - especially in those critical early months of pregnancy. Teens who receive proper medical care and take care of themselves are more likely to have healthy babies. Those who don't receive medical care are at greater risk for:

• fetal death
• high blood pressure
• anemia
• labor and delivery complications (such as premature labor and stillbirth)
• low birth-weight infant

The earlier your teen gets prenatal care, the better her chances for a healthy pregnancy, so bring her to the doctor as soon as possible after finding out she's pregnant. If you need help finding medical care, check with social service groups in the community or in your child's school.

Your teen's health care provider can tell her what to expect during her pregnancy, how to take care of herself and her growing baby, and how to prepare for life as a parent.

Some topics that will be addressed include:

Medical Care
At her first prenatal visit, your teen will probably be given a full physical exam, including blood and urine tests. She'll be screened for sexually transmitted diseases and for exposure to certain diseases, such as measles, mumps, and rubella. Her health care provider also will discuss:

• how often prenatal visits should be scheduled
• what she may be feeling physically and emotionally
• what changes she can expect in her body how to deal with some of the uncomfortable side effects of pregnancy, like nausea and vomiting
  

Knowing what to expect can help alleviate some of the fears your teen may have about being pregnant. Her health care provider will probably prescribe a daily prenatal vitamin to make sure she gets enough folic acid, iron, and calcium. Folic acid is especially important during the early weeks of pregnancy, when it plays a role in the healthy development of the neural tube (the structure that develops into the brain and spinal cord).

Lifestyle Changes
Your teen's health care provider will talk about the lifestyle changes she will have to make for the health of her baby, including:

• not smoking (smoking while pregnant increases the risk of miscarriage, stillbirth, low birth weight, and sudden infant death syndrome)
• not drinking (alcohol causes mental and physical birth defects)
• not using drugs (drugs are associated with pregnancy complications and fetal death)
  avoiding excess caffeine (too much caffeine has been linked to an increased risk of miscarriage)
  eating right
• getting enough rest
• avoiding risky sexual behaviors (such as having unsafe sex)
• If your teen smokes or uses alcohol or other drugs, her health care provider can offer ways to help her quit.

Nutrition
Fast food, soft drinks, sweets - teen diets are notoriously unbalanced. Eating well greatly increases your teen's chances of having a healthy baby, so encourage her to maintain a well-balanced diet that includes plenty of fruits, vegetables, and whole-grain breads (use the revised Food Guide Pyramid as a basic guide). Some important nutrients include:

• proteins (lean meat, fish, poultry, egg whites, beans, peanut butter, tofu)
• calcium (milk and other dairy products)
• iron (lean red meats, spinach, iron-fortified cereals)
• folic acid (green leafy vegetables, beans, peas, fortified cereals)
• Drinking plenty of water is essential, too.

Pregnancy is not the time for your teen to go on a diet. When pregnant, some teens might be tempted to counter normal pregnancy weight gain by cutting calories or exercising excessively - both of which can seriously harm their babies. If you suspect that your teen has an unhealthy preoccupation with her weight, talk to her health care provider.

Exercise

If your teen was physically fit before getting pregnant and is not experiencing any pregnancy complications, her health care provider will probably encourage her to continue exercising. Most women benefit from getting some exercise during pregnancy, although they might have to modify their activity. Low-impact exercises, such as walking and swimming, are best. Have your teen discuss her exercise plans with her health care provider early on.

Stress

Most teens enter parenthood unprepared for the stress a new baby brings, and many experience frustration, resentment, and even anger toward their newborns - which may explain why teen parents are at higher risk for abusing and neglecting their babies. You may want to talk with your teen's doctor to discuss ways you can help her manage her stress levels so that she can better cope with changes in her life. She also may want to spend some time with other people who have babies to get a better sense of what caring for a newborn involves.

Prenatal Classes

Your teen's health care provider will probably recommend that she take classes on pregnancy, giving birth, and parenting. These classes (some of which are held just for teens) can help prepare her for the practical side of parenthood by teaching skills such as feeding, diapering, child safety, and other basic baby care techniques.

Preparing for New Responsibilities

Many practical issues must be considered. Will your teen keep the baby or consider adoption? If she keeps it, will she raise the baby herself? Will she continue to go to school? Will the father be involved in the baby's life? Who will be financially responsible for the baby?

The answers to these questions often depend on the support your teen receives. Some teens raise their child alone, some have the involvement of the baby's father, and some rely on their families for support. As a parent, you need to think about your own level of involvement and commitment and discuss it with your teen. How much support - financial and otherwise - are you willing and able to offer? Will your teen and her child live with you? Will you help pay for food, clothing, doctor visits, and necessary items like a car seat and stroller? Can you assist with child care while your teen is at school and/or work? A social worker or counselor can help you and your teen sort through some of these issues.

If at all possible, it's best for teens who are pregnant to finish school so they can get better jobs and create a better life for themselves and their babies. This is no easy task - 60% to 70% of all pregnant teens drop out of school. And going back after quitting is especially hard, so try to offer your teen the support she needs to stay in school - both she and the baby will benefit. Check for school and community programs that offer special services for teen mothers, such as child care, rides, or tutoring.

Help your teen understand that as rewarding as having a child is, it isn't always fun - caring for a baby is a huge responsibility and a lifelong commitment. Prepare your teen for the reality that she won't have as much time for the things she used to do - that her life is about change and the baby will take priority.

As a parent, you can have a great impact on your teen's life and on her baby's. You may still wish that she had made different choices. But by supporting your teen, making sure she gets good prenatal care, and listening as she shares her fears and anxieties, both of you may find that you're better parents in the long run.

Reviewed by: Barbara P. Homeier, MDDate reviewed: August 2005Originally reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD, and George Macones, MD

Teenage pregnancy rates among five developed countries

Despite recent declines, the current level of births to adolescents continues to be much higher in the United States than in most other developed countries.1 Continued decreases in U.S. rates have only succeeded in moving the country's levels slightly closer to where those of most other developed countries were during the late 1990s.2 (By 2000, the teenage birthrate in the United States had declined to 49 per 1,000, as compared with late-1990s rates of 7-9 in Sweden and France, and 20-31 in Canada and Great Britain.)

Large differences in adolescent pregnancy rates were also identified in the early 1980s in a comparative study of developed countries. At that time, differences in sexual activity were not found to account for the variation in pregnancy rates; instead, the limited available information suggested that use of contraceptives, particularly the pill, by teenage women was lower in the United States than in other developed countries. Building on this body of information and using the most recent data available, we address the following questions: How large are cross-country differences in pregnancy, birth and abortion rates, and to what extent are current differences associated with variation across countries in sexual behavior and contraceptive use?

These results are part of a large-scale investigation that examined reasons for the wide variation in teenage pregnancy and birth rates among five developed countries: Canada, France, Great Britain, Sweden and the United States. Although all five focus countries have a high per capita income and are highly developed and industrialized, they differ in their extent of social and economic inequality, in their government policies and programs that address inequality, in their health care systems and their provision of services to teenagers, and in their societal attitudes concerning sexuality and adolescents. All of these factors are likely to affect adolescent reproductive behavior.

In addition to having a higher adolescent pregnancy rate, the United States has higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) among adolescents than most other developed countries.5 The incidence of chlamydia among adolescents in the United States (1,132 cases per 100,000) is nearly twice that in Canada and Sweden (where reporting is relatively complete), five times that in England, and 20 times that in France (two countries where reporting is considered to be less complete, as it is in the United States). The annual incidence of gonorrhea among all U.S. adolescents (572 cases per 100,000) is 10 or more times the level in the other four countries.
Large differences in pregnancy and STD rates may be due to differences in the proportion of adolescent women who are sexually active and, therefore, are at risk of pregnancy and infection. Alternatively, they may be related to variation among sexually active adolescent women in the steps that they take to prevent pregnancy and STD infection, including their use of contraceptives, their choice of method and the effectiveness of their method use. While we do not have information on all of these measures, some information is available to help us assess variation in the two key factors of sexual activity and method use across countries.

Orginal Article:http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/3324401.html

By Jacqueline E. Darroch, Susheela Singh, Jennifer J. Frost and the Study Team